Life, Motherhood

How To Value Yourself Within And Beyond Motherhood

You are worthy. You are needed. And you are valuable. All of these things are true about you. They were true before you were a mom, and they are true in your role as a mother. It is important that you believe these truths deeply. It is necessary that you value yourself in all facets of your life. But you may not actually know how to value yourself. 

Let’s change that. To really make an impact in your life, you have to believe that you are valuable. You have to know that you have things to contribute to the world. 

What It Means To Value Yourself

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When we think about the word “value,” a few things might come to mind. For me, the big one is money. As a society, we tend to equate value with money. Consider a diamond necklace – that piece of jewelry is very valuable, and therefore costs a lot of money. In your job, the same may be true. You are valuable to the organization, and are paid accordingly (or at least you should be – though we know this isn’t always the case). 

But value has to do with more than money. Your value is your importance. It is what you have to contribute. It is the positive effects you have on the world and those around you. 

When you value yourself, you believe that what you have to offer the world is worth something, and you act accordingly. You show up for yourself because you know you deserve it. You give yourself self-love, and surround yourself with people who also see your value. 

Why You Need To Value Yourself

It is imperative that you value yourself. Remember, you are valuable. You do contribute positively to the world and those around you. Let’s talk about why it’s so important for you to believe that for yourself. 

You Won’t Settle

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If you value yourself, you won’t accept less than what you are worth. That means you won’t settle for things that don’t serve you.

You won’t settle for a job that doesn’t match your worth. You will instead recognize what you have to contribute, and make sure that others do as well. You will advocate for yourself to be paid what you are worth, and will not tolerate working conditions that diminish your value. 

You won’t settle in your relationships either. If you value yourself, you will expect that those you surround yourself with will as well. That means you won’t tolerate partners, friends, or family members who treat you as less than or unworthy. 

What an incredible thing to only accept things that serve you. And what a beautiful trait to model for your children. You want your kids to see their own value, and showing them how to do so by valuing yourself is the best way to encourage this.

You Will Take Care Of Yourself

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When something is valuable to you, you take care of it. If you are valuable to yourself, then self-care becomes more of a priority. 

When you believe that you are valuable, you will do what you need to do to preserve that value. Just like you would take care of a precious gem or a really expensive car, you will take care of yourself as your most valuable asset. 

As a mom, self-care often falls to the side as life can be busy and overwhelming and there often isn’t much time for anything at all. But when you see yourself as valuable and worthy of care, you will begin to understand that self-care is non-negotiable. 

You Will Be Happier and More Confident

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When you value yourself, you feel better about yourself. You are more confident in what you have to offer the world, and truly believe that you are worthy of good things. As you surround yourself by people who value you and as you take care of yourself, you will live a happier, more fulfilled. 

If you want this for your children, you should seek this for yourself. 

Isn’t that enough to convince you that valuing yourself is important?

How To Value Yourself

We know why it is important to value yourself. So let’s get to the heart of the matter: how do you start to value yourself?

It’s not always as easy as simply knowing that you are valuable, and living by that. If it was, we wouldn’t have to have this conversation. You really have to recognize your value, and engrain the belief that you are valuable deep within yourself. 

I’ve come up with some ways for you to start on this journey to valuing yourself. 

Set Boundaries

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Part of valuing yourself is learning how to say no. When something doesn’t serve you, it shouldn’t be taking up your time and energy. Setting boundaries can help you value yourself.

Of course it is okay to do things for others when it makes you feel good. But you should not let guilt and lack of boundaries become a reason for you to always say yes. Boundaries are so, so important, both in your work life and personal life, to ensure that you do not become drained and bitter. 

Everything you do should be a reflection on your value. If you give in to people taking and taking from you without recouperating your value, you won’t be able to see how much you are actually worth. Setting boundaries is a great way to start recognizing your value.  

Stop With The Comparisons

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When you compare yourself to others, it is extremely challenging to see just how valuable you are as an individual. Often, we notice the things in others that are admirable. But remember, we are all unique, and even though someone else has traits and skills to offer that you may not, the same is true of you. 

Playing the comparison game serves no one well. When you hyper-focus on what others do better than you, you cannot see your true value. By stopping these comparisons, you can start to understand the value that you contribute to the world. 

Affirmations

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Repeating affirmations daily is a powerful way to change your inner voice. We’ve already discussed that you are valuable and that you have value to contribute to the world. Affirmations can actually have you deeply believing this to be true. 

So how does practicing affirmations work? Find a quiet, peaceful spot to spend a few minutes in the morning and evening saying affirmations out loud to yourself. Repeat each affirmation over and over to get the best effect.

Healthline explains that while affirmations are not some magic solution, practicing affirmations regularly and consistently can actually “encourage your brain to take these positive affirmations as fact.” So if you self-affirm your own value, then you could actually start to believe it.

Here are some affirmations to try:

  • I am valuable.
  • I have a lot to offer those around me.
  • I make a difference in the world.
  • I am worthy of self-love.

Self-Gratitude Journal

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I am all about journaling for personal development, and I think that self-gratitude journaling is an amazing way to process and understand your own value. 

When it comes to a self-gratitude journal, you can start simply. Plan to spend a few minutes every day with your journal. On the first day, write down one thing about yourself that you are grateful for. On the second day, try writing two things, without repeating what you wrote on the first day. Continue with this pattern day after day, adding one more point each time. As this practice becomes a habit, you will begin to see how valuable you truly are. 

Dream Big 

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Especially when you become a mom, it can be easy to stop having big dreams for yourself. Your kids become your whole world (or so it seems), and there are “more important things” than following your dreams. It is easy to fall into a pattern of playing it safe for the sake of stability. 

But what if you took a moment and asked yourself, “What if?” What if you decided to think of all the things you could do if you set your mind to it? What if you dreamed big for a change?

You might be surprised how your mindset can shift by just allowing yourself to dream. You may begin to see yourself as more capable when you think about what you may be able to do instead of just what you are already doing. It may make you value yourself more and more. 

Think of Your Kids

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I want to leave this conversation on a very specific note about valuing yourself for your children. I referenced this earlier in the post, but I don’t think it can be overstated. When you value yourself, you are modeling for your kids the kinds of healthy behaviors that they will hopefully develop as they grow. Your children already think you are the most valuable person in the world, so showing them that you also see your value is incredibly impactful. So when figuring out how to value yourself seems too hard, think of your kids. Think of what a gift you are giving them by working toward valuing yourself. If that doesn’t motivate you, I don’t know what will. 

While you are on this journey of valuing yourself, here are some ways to take care of yourself as a mom. You deserve it!