The newborn phase is so difficult, from postpartum recovery to an insane lack of sleep to keeping a brand new little person fed and happy and safe. When you add a toddler to the mix, the newborn phase is a whole other level of nutty. Here are some tips on how to survive a toddler and newborn, from someone who has recently lived through it to tell the tale.

Let me start by saying there’s no one size fits all way to parent through this phase. Every toddler is different, every baby is different, and importantly, every parent is different. But as with any other new stage of motherhood, it is good to be prepared with as much information as possible. So learn from my experiences, and hopefully it’ll make your transition from one to two kids a little easier.

How to Survive a Toddler and Newborn

Preparation is Key

The best thing you can do before your new baby arrives is make sure that everyone is as prepared as can be. It is especially important that your toddler is prepared before hand, as their world is about to be rocked!

With my son, I found that talking about the new baby for the months leading up to his arrival made the transition to brotherhood a fairly smooth one. My oldest knew his little brother’s name and was so excited for us to bring him home. Their age difference is 2.5 years, so my oldest was able to somewhat understand what was going on, but even if your toddler is a little younger, it can still be helpful to talk to them about the new baby and the big change that is about to take place.

Another way that you can help prepare your toddler for their little sister or brother is by reading books about the upcoming change. Stories can provide your big kid with some insight on what it will be like to have a new sibling. It can help build excitement for bringing home a baby, from taking care of the little one to growing up with a best friend in the house. Make books about new siblings a part of your story time routine, whatever that looks like for your family.

Don’t Do It Alone

In the first few weeks of adjusting to being a mom of two, don’t try to do it all. If possible, your partner should take leave for at least a couple weeks to be there for the transition. If you have supportive help from family members, take it. There are a lot of emotions that come with the postpartum period, and you may have difficulty being a rock for your toddler, new baby, and self. So surrounding yourself with others who can aid in the transition can be extremely beneficial for everyone.

If your partner is able to be home, it is a good idea to divide and conquer. Maybe your partner takes the toddler upstairs in the morning, while you sleep in after an early morning nursing session with the baby. Later in the day, maybe you can run an errand with the toddler while your partner stays at home with the baby. Or maybe your toddler will get to have a special day with grandparents. That way, both kids get the attention they need and neither parent is overwhelmed by having to do it all.

Family Bonding

Going from being a family of 3 to a family of 4 is a huge change. Acknowledge that, and make sure to spend time bonding as a family.

That may look like snuggling up on the couch to watch a Disney movie all together. Or maybe you’ll have your toddler hold their new baby sister or brother. Maybe you go for a walk around the neighborhood with the kids in a double stroller.

No matter what, take this time to enjoy your new life as a family of 4. Your family is evolving, and the experience will be best if you go through it together as a unit.

What Happens When I’m Breastfeeding?

When your partner does go back to work and you are still home with your two kiddos, there will be moments when you aren’t quite sure what to do. For me, most of these moments came when I was breastfeeding my little one. It was during our nursing sessions that my toddler all of a sudden wanted my full attention, and would freak out if I couldn’t give it to him. Here are my tips for handling this situation:

• Don’t, whatever you do, blame the baby. Avoid saying things like “I have to feed your little brother first,” or “Your baby sister needs me more right now.” These types of responses could lead to your toddler resenting their new sibling and feeling upset that they have to share your attention.
• Have engaging activities that can be done while breastfeeding ready to go. Maybe give your toddler a baby doll with a bottle to feed while you feed the real baby. Try collecting some special books that only get to be read during nursing sessions. Another possibility is to make a tub of toys that come out only during this time. And if it works for your family, maybe rely on screen time to distract your toddler during these moments.
• Get your toddler’s help. My son loved to be responsible for burp cloths during the first couple months. He knew where we kept them, and any time I needed one, he would rush off to get it for me. Giving your toddler a sense of responsibility could help them to feel important even when the focus is on the baby.

Make sure you are ready with all you need to make breastfeeding as easy as possible with this post – you don’t need to make anything more difficult.

Take Time For Yourself

When you have a toddler and a newborn at home, it can feel impossible to catch a break. Babies alone are so needy, and it’s hard not feel guilty about your toddler not getting as much of your time and attention as the times before. But remember, you need time for you, too. Notice I said need. Not deserve or should have. No, you need time for you. Self-care at any time is important. But in the postpartum period, it is absolutely vital. With all of the physical and emotional changes that come with having a baby, taking care of yourself is non-negotiable. You must be taken care of to be able to fully take care of your kids.

Self-care looks different for every mom. Maybe for you, it is curling up alone in bed to read a book while your partner takes the kids to the park. Maybe it is an outing to get manis and pedis with a friend, a true pampering experience. Maybe it is going for a run by yourself every morning, or taking a long bath instead of your normal rushed shower.

Whatever self-care looks like for you, make it a priority, and make it happen.

Affirmations For A Mom of Two

I will leave you with a list of affirmations for this unique time in your life. Say these things to yourself, and learn to believe them.

• I can do hard things.
• I am a good mom.
• To my kids, I am more than enough.
• I deserve to be cared for.
• I am doing the best that I can, and my best is enough.

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Having a second baby with a toddler at home is sure to lead to challenges that you have never encountered before. That’s motherhood for you, right? But you can do challenging things. Even when it doesn’t feel like you can. Prepare for what you can prepare for, and ask for help when you need it. The days will be long, but the time will fly. Before you know it you will be on to the next stages of your parenting journey.

Don’t forget to prepare for your own postpartum journey. Need a refresh? Check out this post.