Relationships can be challenging – this is even more true when you add kids to the mix. Sometimes, we all need a little help overcoming the challenges that we face in a partnership. I am a huge proponent of prioritizing your relationship. I have found that couples counseling is a great way to do just that.

5 Reasons To Consider Couples Counseling

1. Having Kids Changes Things

First and foremost, I think it is necessary to acknowledge that having kids can (and probably will) change your relationship. The challenges you may face after having children will likely be different than those you faced pre-parenthood. With that change, comes a need for a new way to address questions and problems together.

For my husband and I, parenthood brought up different conflicts than those that we had to address before our boys were born. And with little ones in the house, it became even more important that we solve our conflicts as peacefully as possible. In other words, we try to avoid screaming matches at all cost.

We also come from different family backgrounds, so our approach to parenting is naturally somewhat different from one another. Usually, we are able to deal with these differences through conversation. Every once in a while, however, we have difficulty getting on the same page about a parenting decision.

Seeing a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) together has helped us learn to talk through parenting conflicts calmly and effectively. We are absolutely better parents for it. I also love that we are modeling a healthy relationship for our boys, and showing that it is always okay to ask for help.

2. Sometimes You Need a Mediator

If you and your partner are anything like my husband and I, some conversations just go in circles. Maybe you disagree on how housework should be done, or how to handle your toddler’s resistance to bedtime, and you just cannot come to a reasonable resolution together.

With some conflicts, you can just move on and forget about it, but some actually need to be addressed. So what do you do when conversations go no where (except to bitterness and frustration)?

For us, our therapy sessions have often been a place to have important conversations that are mediated, so that we don’t spiral into anger as we disagree with one another. The MFT helps us make sure we are listening to one another, and not just speaking over the other’s thoughts.

This has helped us so much. When a difficult topic comes up and we start to exhibit unhealthy patterns of communication, we now know we can momentarily stop and come back to it during our session.

3. Self-Care Is Important

It is so so so important that you are taking care of yourself, and that your partner is too. Think about it, how are you supposed to be a good parent if your own needs are not being met?

Seeing an MFT is an act of self-care. If your needs are not being met in your relationship for whatever reason, couples counseling may help. It is such a powerful thing to be caring for yourself and doing all that you can to make sure your needs are being met.

For me personally, I have struggled with PPA/PPD. Sometimes, I have extra needs that are hard for my husband to understand, and I often struggle to meet his needs as well. In particular, I often feel incredibly touched out, which causes my anxiety to sky rocket. In these moments, I need both comfort and physical space, which can be hard for my husband to understand. My husband, on the other hand, craves physical touch (it’s definitely his love language), and when I am feeling this way, it is hard for me to meet his needs.

Therapy has helped us find ways to get our needs fulfilled while supporting one another. This type of self-care is so valuable, and makes such a difference in our level of happiness.

4. Therapy Is Sacred Time

When life gets busy with work and kids and everything else, it can feel impossible to make time for your relationship. Who has time for date nights when you can’t even get a solid 7 hours of sleep?

My husband and I often joke that our counseling sessions are like a forced date night. And as silly as that might sound, it is kind of true!

Date night is all about spending time connecting with one another – and that is exactly what we do in therapy!

Even better, we schedule it ahead of time, so no matter how busy things get, it is a constant. Our therapy appointments are sacred time together, which is so important for the health of our relationship.

5. Showing Up Shows You Care

The final reason that couples counseling can be so beneficial for your relationship is that making the effort to be there and make changes shows that you care.

As parents, life can be overwhelmingly busy, and it can be hard to prioritize your relationship when there are so many other things that need to be taken care of.

I have found that simply just showing up to our therapy appointments makes me feel better about the state of our relationship. His being there ready to do the work lets me know that he truly cares about our bond, and I know he feels the same way.

It is so important that we show care in our relationships, and participating in couples counseling can be a great way to do that.

Take The Leap and Try Couples Counseling

Starting couples counseling may feel weird, or even scary, at first. There is stigma around seeking therapy – my husband was resistant to begin because he felt like it meant our relationship was failing.

But really, couples counseling can be a way to strengthen and maintain a healthy relationship. I believe that all couples could benefit from therapy together, and there is no shame in seeking help.

If you are ready to take the leap and start couples counseling with your partner, Psychology Today is a great place to start. That is where we found our MFT, and you could too.

Taking care of your relationship is important for not only you and your partner, but for your kids as well. It can’t hurt to try, right?